Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You're like the curious george of whores
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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