Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
