how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
