FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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