i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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