The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
