Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How does it feel to date your dad?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
