There was a lot of him and a little penis
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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