I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
