I can text with my tongue
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize