please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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