you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
