I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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