oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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