Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
