Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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