i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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