i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
