After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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