why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
