The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
