Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
