was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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