My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
