i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
