Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
