are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
