I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
