Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
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We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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