he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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