like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
