she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
