it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She said her name was "party"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
