Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
