Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
