I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
