No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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