Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
