Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
