Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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