New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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