I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
