I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
