I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
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Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
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Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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