The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize