i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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