Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
