Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
