He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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