I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize