remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
