he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
