His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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