I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
