EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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