I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
