I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
