dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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