I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
