I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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