the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
