ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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