STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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