so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
God, I missed his penis.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
