I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
