I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
