Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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