Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
