i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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