Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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