Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
