I love black thongs
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
