my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
