foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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