if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
