I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
